Sunday, May 16, 2010

"You have to live, and you WILL live."

I've been monitoring and using insulin for over a week now, and really calculating my insulin needs for about half a week.  I'm not going to lie; I've had my frustrations.  But I can say that it's doable, the shots don't hurt, I've had enough flexibility since getting clarification on scheduling, and can already tell it's getting easier.

Every now and then, it strikes me as so strange that, unless they perfect something like an artificial pancreas, I'll never again be able to just eat without adding up carbs in my head and somehow delivering insulin (whether through injections or through a pump).  The dietitian said it'd get easier;  I'll know about how many carbs are in a piece of cake in the work break room by simply judging the size of it.  I hope that's true, but I also know there will always be variables.

Another great frustration is that my husband and I had been trying for a baby, and now we have to wait until my blood sugar and A1C reach certain numbers and stay stable.  I'm reasonably confident I can tightly manage my blood sugar once everything settles down and we have my insulin at the right doses, but it sounds like the A1C could take a very long time to get down to normal numbers no matter what I do.  And I may not be at the end of my childbearing years yet, but I am 30 and don't feel that I have oodles of time left. My husband and I want two kids, and neither of us are spring chickens.  We're both open to adoption, but that can also take a great deal of time.

Everyone keeps reminding me that diabetes isn't a death sentence, but it sometimes seems like a life sentence.  I know it'll get better.  A friend of mine who has had type 1 since she was 8 recently said to me about not having a doom and gloom attitude like some people do, "You have to live, and you will live."

No comments:

Post a Comment